Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
