All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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