he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
