i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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