im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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