just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
