Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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