If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize