we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
