What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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