And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
