What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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