Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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