you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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