Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
