You smell like stripper and shame
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
