Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
