sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
