We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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