Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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