Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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