oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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