i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
