jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
