end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
