they need to just BURY HIM!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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