please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
