my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
