So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize