Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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