Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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