Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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