what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
