hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
