Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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