I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
