i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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