More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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