We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't deserve a penis
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
