Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My dick has a subreddit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
