I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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