Christians are straight up FREAKS
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
