I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
