I'm gonna have a badass scar
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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