i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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