So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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