You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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