Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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