Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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