she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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