three words: i give head
three words: not that well
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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