I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
