just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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