I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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