I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
