Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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