The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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