So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
