Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
