i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
