I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
