how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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