If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
