She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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