***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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