Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize