Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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