It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
