we're chasing vodka with high fives
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
