As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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