Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
