You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
