We're facebook friends in real life
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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