Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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