pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Are we still banned from the library?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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