She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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