My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
