I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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