i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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