There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
