I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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